My Umrah Diary, part 5: A night before departing

 

I plan to pack my luggage one week before the trip because I was that excited. But work has caught me so crazily to the point that I barely leave my desk for the total 8 hours in the daylight. I couldn't pack at night too, because I'd be busy with iftar and taraweeh and get tired after that.

So, today, Saturday, March 15th 2025, I start packing and boy it's an overwhelming thing. I travel a lot.. like it's in my monthly schedule to visit an airport. But I've never been this overwhelm for packing before. As it turns out, pack a casual tshirt and jeans are way easier than packing abayas and khimars. These large-fabric-clothings are not easy to fold, and the thickness of one abaya is equal to three set of my work outfit. I gave up at 19.40 with my luggage is only halfway packed. I will only bring 9 abayas for a 17days trip, and I will make du'a so Allah make it sufficient for me during the trip. 

I was never been this overwhelmed before because I could always access laundry. But these people told me to never do laundry in Mecca. So we'll see.

I packed a whole lot of medicines and vitamins. Not that I am prepared to get sick, but so I could help people with some pill when they need. I know meds are expensive there.

I also pack some candies. I don't know what for, but I really like those candies. I also bring a pack of my favorite tea, although I don't know whether I could boil hot water or not because I will be barely staying in the hotel. I plan to sleep in the masjid every night for i'tikaf.

My very first i'tikaf.

I made a lot of du'a to always meet good people in this trip. Somehow, I could see it coming true. Last week in one of the training session, I already exchange numbers with two very kind mothers. Both are in their third Umrah, while this is my first. Most of them feel confused why I choose to do i'tikaf for my first Umrah. But, don't ask me. I'm still confuse too. Still cannot believe that I will do i'tikaf. Insya Allah.

I am nervous. I cry a lot. Sometimes after prayer, I cry for no reason. I feel a wave of emotion of guilt and gratitude. It's a mix feeling that I hope is a sign that Allah is pleased with me.

Please be pleased with me, O Allah. 

I had a bad thought the other day about my traveling prayer set, a small green bundle which accompany me everytime at the gym. It was ashr in the hotel of where I do an Umrah training. My prayer set is already not in good condition, some threads unraveled, some stitches broken, exposing an ugly edge of fabric. So I was thinking to my self "ugh how ugly this prayer set".

Little did I know, that was my last time wearing that prayer set. I only realise this after Isya, because I wear other prayer set (available in the masjid), and I couldn't find it. Then, I remember, I folded the prayer set on the bench, and then tied my shoes, and I think I left it on my right side, while I was only grabbing my back on my left side, forgot to put the prayer set in the bag.

That Isya, I let her go. I thank my prayer set for her service, and apologize for my bad thought. But, it is fact that she is ugly. 

Two days later, I live my normal life. It was Tuesday and I was already fully packed with work and emails since Monday. Until suddenly my bestfriend Hera texted me. We chat a little, till she said she wanted to give me a traveling prayer set as a gift.. 

I got speechless for a moment there, because Allah replaced it in an instant. 

So when the new prayer set arrived, I was in tears.. because this is the kind that I really want. All these times, I want to buy a new one, exactly like this one but I couldn't. I am a minimalist. I only buy thing when one is broken. 

This form of rizq actually happened a lot in our life. But we tend to overlooked it, because we were too focused on what's missing. This dunya is too small for Allah, so we shouldn't put it as priority. When one thing is missing, Allah will replace it with something better. If Allah didn't replace it, it means He has something better in store for later. Having full trust in Him is not easy, it takes mindfulness and strong intention of constantly reminding our heart why we are here in this life. Allah should be the goal, and the priority. above everything else. 

I am learning and unlearning my self everyday. As it turns out, learning is my way of self-healing. 

Bogor, 15-03-2025.

Bogor is 24 degree, and Mecca is 33 degree. Cant wait to be in a warm and windy place.

It's raining everyday, even today, it rains since 11am just like yesterday and the day before.

Allahumma shoyyiban naafi'an.