Minimalist Indonesia

I saw you last night in my dream. You were just standing there, saying nothing. You didn't apologize like you always were. I want to tell you how I still spend almost every night crying. Its been three months now and the wound still shed tears on me. I know you might be thinking this isn't your fault.. Or just like you always said "I didn't do anything". But yeah you hurt me, and I forgive you but it still make me cry and I will let this make me cry. Until its not anymore. I believe one day it won't make me cry again because I ask Allah for that and I believe Allah will make it true.

Just like another human being, I've been hurt before.. and the one causing it probably is having some good life now, and I pray nothing but the best for him. Healing is not a linear process, its true that some days feel good, some days you cry over an chocolate cake in supermarket. And today, I am checking the wound if it still there. Oh yeah, it still there.  Topics around marriage, Islamic wedding, and finding perfect spouse still triggered the pain. Alhamdulillah, it means my heart is still functioning and still processing the grief. I will be fully healed someday, but for now, I take it as a sign that my interest is not anywhere around marriage. If it should happen, then it will. Because this time I have learned the right way. But my interest is to enrich my brain with new knowledge, to make myself a library for my kids. It is clear now that my generation won't be the generation that will conquer Rome. So, might as well be prepared to gave birth to one.. or some.. So I stil...

To those of you who still in the middle of healing journey, I know that this path is not linear. There will be rebound, sometimes you feel okay, sometimes you feel broken. If the one causing the wound is an ex boyfriend or girlfriend, sometimes the thought of them soothe you, but other times it breaks you.  But as a muslim, we ask Allah at least 17 times a day to keep us on the straight path.. so does it mean healing is not the path to Allah, because it is not linear? Humans are all made of emotions, some are just good at hiding it, some are being the slave of it, and only a few can control it.  Being in the healing journey which sometimes break your tears in the middle of work doesn't mean you are not in the path of Allah. The beauty of this religion lies within the heart. Intention sets the tone of our outcome.. if suddenly now you feel sad because you miss that toxic ex who told you his ex girlfriend cheated on him while he was the one causing it, then cry. You can cry but ...

There are many aspects of health that we started to pay attention when we are about to perform Umrah, and for me, this is the most exciting part. Starting from maintaining our body movement. Since I made the decision in December, I have even more motivation to go to the gym. One hour threadmill isn't so boring anymore because I am imagining as if I was walking around the ka'ba. I think this is crucial especially for those who work 9to5 sitting down in the office, our body needs to have a 3 months of warming up before actually doing the thawaf and sa'i. The second is general medical check up. I am grateful that Allah provided me with a free medical check up via the office, so I have no issue in this. If you want, there are some Islamic hospitals that provides general medical checkup for only 750.000 rupiah or in Prodia for 1.500.000 rupiah. But normally people take this option for hajj because of the longer time and more people.  The third is preparing your own personal medi...

  I heard people say that those who go for Umrah or Hajj, are because they are being invited by Allah that's why they are also called "the guests of Allah". I think that's true because just because you have the money, doesn't mean you have another resources to do Umrah or Hajj, and time is one of the main resources. Many of us need to work 9to5 for the rest of their life. Time is not theirs, but belongs to the corporate who hire them. This is so unfortunate, and I pray that everyone of us could have the freedom to choose what we want to do with our time, including me.  But speaking of time, I think 2025 is an exquisite year. The 1st of January is equal to the 1st of Rajab. The 1st of Ramadan will be on the same day with 1st of March (Insya Allah). And the Nisfu Sya'ban (15th of Sya'ban) is on FRIDAY. How I love Friday..  Time is what we need to have before we go for Umrah or Hajj. For me, I am blessed because I have the privilege to work under flexible wor...

What to prepare for Umrah? I think the most basic thing is to understand how to perform Umrah, perfecting our shalah and the sunnahs, perfecting our wudhu, and maintain our heart. Other than that, you can have many people giving tips on video on how to pack, what to bring, where to go, and what to do in the haramain. But I just want to add one thing, which is to learn and understand in deep the seerah of the Prophet and as much as the background cause ( asbabun nuzul ) of an ayah or surah. Why? Because the place that you are about to visit is the same place of where the Quran was sent down, to the best of human being ever created (Peace be upon him). My favorite thing about going places is to understand the historical story of the place. I've done it in multiple places, but only at the age of (almost) 33 I finally realised I haven't done this to the core of my religion: The Quran.  We will about to visit the same land where the Prophet (PBUH) was born, raised, grow up, do the s...

  It still feel surreal for me that I have decided to go for umrah. It's not like I'm becoming more religious, but things are just playing differently in my head now.  The past two years was an emotional rollercoaster. I never knew that life lessons could be so painfully unbearable if we face it with empty heart. I stopped writing -meaningful things, at least- and was just too busy dealing with emotions. But Alhamdulillah, it was all for the best. Allah's scenario is always the best. I was learning to recognize my inner wound, embrace it, and heal it. Now I know what it looks like to be a person carrying emotional wound from childhood, which they fail to address and it creates generational trauma. I am grateful that I had a chance to cut my chain before I pass it down to my future children. Although the process was not easy, and I was this close to being crazy. Long story short, to conclude these lessons, I decided to do Umrah for the first time. This decision was made on D...