144 Hours without Instagram

 

For the very first time in my life, I uninstalled instagram. The apps that have been coloring my days since eleven years ago, is now gone. Not completely, but still gone. I thought I can only stand 3 days without it, but here I managed to survive for 6 good days.

But I just cried.

This evening, after coming back from the mall. Meeting the Finance Director of my ex company, hearing all her thoughts about the drama that I know so well.. I didn’t do anything with her, I was just sit, listen, and understand. But eventually, that is all she needs. We part ways, I went straight home — make one stop to buy my favorite favorite fruit — and continue home.

No picture, no posts, nothing. Oh yeah, I cried once I entered the house. Because it feels so.. empty. The house, the same house I have lived for nearly 6 years now.. feels emptier than ever. 

Do I miss instagram? — NO

Do I miss posting my stories? — NO.

But I miss someone I used to talk to in instagram. I miss his laugh and his weird noise. I cry because I remember how he treated me last time we call, and how he didn’t .. and he never.. asked for my number. Everyone else did. Except him. I gave him my email, tho. I checked my email everyday and no sign of him. Has he moved on? He probably is. He could’ve find me in facebook.. I’ll never accept his friend request but at least he could try to find me.. 

Despite all that, I feel a lot better without instagram. Instagram made me sad with its algorithm. My explore page was filled with sad quotes and videos. Like why?! I could be having a happy day and be sad within second once I opened it. And now with tiktok shop being banned by the government (nice work tho), my screen time has been reduced significantly. I won’t be surprised if my weekly report shows that I only used phone for 10 minutes per day on average. Mostly to authenticate Salesforce login and to check my investment which is now enjoying her paragliding moment to the bottom of the sea.

6 good days without instagram, I wonder if anybody miss me there.

I wonder if he misses me.

Nah.

It’s alright, even though he doesn’t miss me, it’s alright. I miss him, and that’s the only thing that matter. I can only control my feeling and my response but not others.

But I wonder how he is doing :(

I believe he is okay. That’s the only answer I ever got from him whenever “how’s your day” question was being asked.

Again, I can only pray.

May Allah protects him, in every move he make. Every drive, every field work. 

It is probably time for me to move on as well. I’m a minus for his a hundred from me. So I have to re-organize my feeling again. I have English test coming up. And I know he will be proud if I can pass this one.

***

Bogor, October 7th 2023

It’s amazing how one can make you feel without ever touching their skin.